And I have no excuses. Okay, I have excuses. I always have excuses but none of them are the truth. The truth is I haven't wanted to blog because there hasn't been much about this year I've wanted to record. Going back to school has been more good than bad but it's been the kind of growing experience that's not always easy to write about, at least not for me.
I'm writing this tonight because I do have things that need to be put down somewhere. I don't know if anyone reads this but I can pretend that someone does and someone will see this and maybe hold me accountable for everything I'm about to say.
I'll be 29 in two weeks. One year away from 30 and my life is horribly similar to how I started the decade. I'm single, I live at home, I'm in school and while working towards a goal I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up. I've had a career and places of my own and many of the experiences one is "supposed to have" in their twenties but right now I don't and I don't know when I'm going to get my life back. This life I'm leading right now isn't mine. I don't feel like me and I don't feel like I'm living each day the way I would. I gave up without realizing I had until I looked around and had nothing.
So it's time to get things. It's that scene in the movie where our intrepid hero steps back, takes stock and decides what must be done.
What Must Be Done:
- Stop making excuses. For everything.
- Get a better job. It doesn't matter if a real job and a real school schedule mean no life because I don't have a life right now.
- Get a life anyway. I like socializing, I like being a part of the world. I hate most of the TV I watch and as much as I love the internet it wouldn't hurt to love it less.
- Really think about what my bliss is.
- Follow it.
- Figure out the exact cause of my perpetual single-ness and work on it. There's being Happy Single which I was for a long time and Not Happy Single which I am right now.
- Build towards long term goals instead of short term dreams. I did a lot of cool things in my 20s but only for a little while. I had the job of dream for 2 years and enjoyed maybe 6 months of it. I lived in NYC but only for 8 months. I had apartments of my own but moved back in with the family twice.
- Get more serious about money. Which would require actually having money to be serious about (and when I say I have no money I really mean it. I have no savings account and a checking account that is rarely above $50 these days.).
- Have dreams and aspirations again. Find something and work towards it. Don't be afraid of this.
- ACTUALLY DO ALL THIS.
I'm so sick of myself and so sick of that feeling. This is me putting my foot down.