Dear Everyone I've Ever Been In Love With,
As January progresses at an already too fast pace I see Christmas blessedly fade from the minds of retailers and marketing firms. My happiness is short lived with the realization that we as humans can not be without a holiday for long and Valentine's Day is rushing towards us to fill that void the only way it knows how with chocolates, hearts and the reawakening of that great divide between those that love love in all its commercial forms and those that don't.
I know it's still more then a month away and I'm probably jumping the gun a bit but I don't feel too unfairly pessimistic in saying that I'll be spending this Valentine's Day alone. If you go by the law of averages then the odds of me having someone to celebrate that day with are small. I'm OK with that though because I find the idea of having do the whole big Valentine's Day shebang completely annoying and unnecessary. It's the other 364 days of the year that are not enjoyably spent as single.
I guess it's a small mark of how emotionally mature I've become that I no longer think of any of you with bitterness or anger. Since it's still close to New Year's (a holiday of new beginnings), Christmas ( a holiday of peace and love) and it's so expected to say bad things about V-Day that I feel like I have to say something good about it I've decided to make this an Open Letter of Thanks.
I'm not together with any of you anymore and there are many of you that I'll probably never speak to again but none of you will ever really leave my soul. You all have your own special place, some more deeply ingrained into who and what I am then others. There's some emotional scarring and some pillow cases that will never quite feel dry thanks to the tears shed on them but there's a good memory for all of it.
So Thank You. All of you.
Thank you for the:
- new things you introduced me to. The bands I never would have listened to if I wasn't trying to impress you and ended up loving. The books I read because they explained you and found my own self explained in. The foods I tried and the places I went to that were all doors opened by your loving and persuasive hands.
- old things that you added new meaning to. The song I loved before you but now will always make me think of you. The cheesy action movie I can't help but love because we saw it on our first date. The cologne that ten years later on a complete stranger will waft towards me and make me remember you.
- the joy and the pain. I learned how jealous I can be, how and when to be forgiving, when it's good to be angry and necessary to be sad. I learned just what it meant to have your soul ripped into pieces and I hated you so much for it but it made me more real and so I have to thank you. I also learned my capacity for love and that singular beauty in feeling my whole world filled by just a word or glance or touch from you.
- letting me go. None of you were right for me but I would have held on because that's who I was. And now because of all of you I know how to let go. I know how to do right by me and realize that some hurts are good hurts that help us both in the end.
All My Sincerest Love,